Deceptions Read online

  “Of course, Natalya,” I said, keeping my words gentle and pulling the container of chocolate mint from the freezer. She grabbed the spoon I offered her but was less grabby when it came to the ice cream.

  “Sorry,” she mumbled. I could have asked for a clarification as to what she was sorry about since there were so many options from the day but I knew that would just ruin the rare moment of peace. I should have also told her to grab a bowl instead of eating straight out of the container but again, I wanted the peace. She was the only one who liked chocolate mint so I let it go. It would save me from washing one more bowl.

  Millie wasn’t happy with me and retreated back to the game table where Sasha and Leo rejoined her so they could finish their game. Karie was eyeing the window seat where Natalya sat brooding, eating ice cream, and staring out at the dark woods. Karie was worried and I knew what she was worried about. Her sketch pad was still on the window seat and she was too scared to get it. I picked it up and brought it to her.

  “Thank y…you,” she whispered and opened the book back up to the sketch of the gazebo. Very carefully, she tore it from the book and handed it to me. “I w…was g…going to g…give it to M…Mama b…but I w…want y…you to have it.” Karie looked down and her next words were said with honest sadness. “I kn… know you’ll appreciate it.” Tears sprang up in my eyes. I hated so much what Crystal put the kids through these last few years. Even Little Sofie knew Crystal was a mother in absentia.

  “Thank you, bubbeleh,” I said and gave her a hug. Since even before that awful 4th of July, my place with the family was elevated from just a nanny to a mother figure thanks to Crystal’s behavior. I wasn’t bothered by the kids considering me more of a mother than the woman who gave birth to them. What I was bothered by was how Crystal had so little regard for her own flesh and blood. She wasn’t always that way – we were quite close once – but people change and not always for the best.

  I went back to the stool and sat. My stomach was full from the ice cream and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I shoveled it down. Panic began to poke at me and I started to tremble.

  And then came the Terrible Voice.

  What the hell did you do? Why did you do that? You ate over half a pint of ice cream. How dare you!

  A sweat broke out on my brow and my gaze skittered about the kids. They were all engrossed in their activities and before I knew it, I was slipping out of the suite and to the small viewing lounge next door. Each floor had one overlooking the gorgeous view and each one also had a small public bathroom.

  You know what to do. You must get rid of it.

  I locked the door of the bathroom, turned on the tap, crouched down in front of the toilet, and stuck my finger down my throat. My seasoned actions were quick and I was back in the suite, popping a breath mint, before anyone noticed I was even gone. The Terrible Voice said one more thing.

  I’m proud of you, my Penny.

  I walked over to the couch as if nothing had just happened and sat down next to Little Sofie. Her small scoop of plain vanilla ice cream with multicolored sprinkles had not been touched.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

  “Will you hold me?” Straight away I knew something was wrong with the wee girl and I wrapped my arms around her. I felt the heat the four-year-old radiated and knew she was running a fever.

  “Oh, my poor baby,” I cooed, smoothing down Little Sofie’s brown curls and kissing the top of her head.

  “My throat,” Little Sofie cried. Throat came out as fwoat and it broke my heart. “Make me bettew?” Little Sofie had a problem with her Rs. Jack worried about it and had me make an upcoming appointment with a speech therapist for her.

  “Of course, my sweetie.”

  I took her untouched bowl of ice cream to the kitchenette and dumped the contents into the sink to melt down the drain. I went back and slowly picked up Little Sofie. Despite being just a tiny thing, my surgically repaired back was not working well from being exhausted and my daily treadmill running and it objected to me lifting the girl. As usual, I ignored the pain and focused on the job I dearly loved. I decided the day was coming to an official close and needed to get the kids pointed towards bed before I could focus on Little Sofie. Nanny Penny, drill sergeant, kicked into gear.

  “Millie, can you sign for me?” I needed my hands to hold Little Sofie and Millie signed an affirmative back to me. “Okay, here we go. Millie, Sasha and Leo. You may finish your game but then it’s time to hit the sack. Leo and Sasha, you get the sofa bed. Millie, you’ll take the double bed farthest from the bathroom and share with Little Sofie and Karie and Annie get the bed nearest the bathroom. Natalya, you get the twin rollaway.” This was an obvious choice since no one wanted to share a bed with her. “Annie and Karie, I want you to get your pajamas on and brush your teeth as soon as the movie is over. Then it’s sleepy time. Natalya, you can stay up until Millie and the others finish their game.” I fished the battery to her phone out of my hoodie and tossed it over to her. “You can have your phone back but if you give me any grief about bedtime, I’ll take it away again and for the entire weekend. Deal?”

  “Deal,” she said but I could tell she wasn’t thrilled about being told when to go to bed. The phone, however, was her lifeline whenever she was away from Taylor and her friends. She was stuck away from them until Sunday so she needed the phone and chose not to fight me. Natalya was a smart girl and knew when to make a wise choice that benefitted herself.

  “Let’s make the best of this weekend,” I said to everyone.

  I carried Little Sofie into the bathroom attached to the bedroom and set her on the countertop. I pulled out the medical bag I packed for the trip. Inside were the usual First Aid supplies along with basic medicines that might be needed. Most of those would be for Little Sofie. At least once a month she suffered from a fever or upset tummy or some other ailment and I learned early on to be prepared for anything.

  When I took her temperature, it was 102° even. Of all the kids, Little Sofie was the one who had the worst immune system and when she came down with something, whatever bug it was, it hit her hard. To put it in plain words but with much love, Little Sofie was a sickly child. I hoped this was just a one-off temperature from a long day playing in the snow and she’d be back to her happy-go-lucky self in the morning. The sore throat, however, worried me. Little Sofie and strep throat became good friends over her short few years. In the last year, she’d been through it three times.

  As I measured out the red liquid, Little Sofie’s bottom lip stuck out and quivered. Tears rimmed her big brown eyes; she was Millie’s four-year-old doppelganger. As she slowly sucked the medicine off the spoon, the tears descended down her rosy cheeks. I knew she hated the stuff so I always made a big show out of her taking the medicine without whining.

  “Such a big girl!” I exclaimed and gave her a big but gentle hug. She looked up at me in surprise.

  “Am I a big girl, Penny?” Girl came out as gull.

  “Of course! Even Millie sometimes makes faces when she has to take medicine.”

  “You make faces when you have to take medicine too and you is old,” Little Sofie said in all seriousness. To a four-year-old, thirty-five probably did seem old and most days I felt much older with my bad back and hip.

  I helped her put on her favorite pair of pajamas – they were soft with little yellow duckies – and brush her teeth. She piddled while I pulled back the sheets of the bed she would share with Millie.

  “Let’s get you all tucked in,” I said quietly and delicately kissed each of her cheeks.

  “Stay wif me?”

  “Of course,” I replied and lay down next to her. Even though I was off my feet and stretched out, my back still twitched with a painful spasm. “Let me tell Mama and Papa that you’re not feeling well.”

  “Papa’s going to be mad at me,” she squeaked.

  “Why?”

  “Cuz I’m sick again,” she explained, her voice shaking with near tears.
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  “Don’t be silly, Little Sofie,” I replied in a soft voice. “When has Papa ever been mad at you for anything?”

  “Nevuh,” she answered after a few moments. Little Sofie could be very serious and I knew she had taken those few moments to process her answer.

  “And he’s not going to start now.” I gave her a kiss on the forehead and tucked the blanket tighter around her little body. “Just close your eyes and let the sleeping fairies fly you away.”

  “Okay,” she said and closed her eyes. “Penny?” she said my name without reopening her eyes.

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  “Just tells Papa I’m sick,” Little Sofie said. “Don’t bothuh Mama.” I frowned. Little Sofie’s request about not bothering Crystal was the epitome of the last couple of years.

  “Okay, bubbeleh,” I said, forcing the pain from my voice and sending a quick text to Jack. Sofochka’s running a fever. Gave her medicine. Tucked her in. Sofochka was Jack’s pet name for Little Sofie. At Little Sofie’s insistence, her father was the only one who could call her Sofochka.

  “Thank you, Pwetty Penny,” she said, her words already slurred with impending sleep. “I wuvs you.”

  “I love you, too,” I replied with all my heart. I loved all the Petrov children, having helped raise Millie from the age of four and a half and the other eight from babies and crying when no one was watching as if my own flesh and blood died at Ellie’s passing and baby Freddy who survived only a few short hours and I was never able to see. Child rearing was just not one of Crystal’s strengths but for a while she tried her best. Birthing them was a piece of cake for her, after all she’d given birth multiple times, but raising them was another story. When I became Jack’s official employee the day we graduated from Princeton, Crystal began the slow checking out process in regards to her children even as she bore more.

  The last two and a half years changed the entire family, however, and Crystal did little when it came to caring for her younger sister-in-law and five of her six living children. The only one she wanted to be around was Natalya. Crystal would often breeze into the house in Voorhees, gush over Natalya or bestow gifts upon her, and ignore her other children. Natalya was turning into a mini-Crystal and as much as I wanted to point this out to Jack, I refrained. He was hurt by Crystal’s actions also. Although we were best friends, calling his wife out in such a manner was not a line I wanted to cross even though I eventually did and now, I feared it had ruined our friendship.

  I hated what the kids were dealing with in regards to Crystal and I did what I did best – stepping into the much needed role of a mother. It would be a role I could never biologically fulfill but I was okay with that.

  I sighed and hugged Little Sofie. The wee girl was already asleep.

  * * *

  Chapter 5

  I awoke with a start. My intention when I lay down with Little Sofie was to comfort her until she herself was slumbering but I was so tired it didn’t take much for me to drift off also. There was so much to do before I could end my day and as much as I wanted to stay cuddled next to Little Sofie, I just couldn’t. Keeping my movements slow, I extricated myself from the warm bed and checked my phone. It was just before eleven; I slept just a couple hours.

  Little Sofie’s curls were damp and I was relieved to find her forehead and cheeks cool to the touch, indicating her fever broke. I said a quick and silent prayer it would not return and she could enjoy the rare time the whole family was together. Looking towards the other bed, I saw Karie and Annie slept soundly and I crept into the bathroom.

  My bladder called for attention and I answered, then shocked myself when I looked in the bathroom mirror. I was a sight. My own brown hair was making a break from the serviceable long braid I wore and there were creases on my left cheek from my nap. I ignored the dark circles beneath my brown eyes and dismantled what was left of the braid and used one of the girls’ brushes to run the knots out before re-braiding and flicking the thick piece of hair over my shoulder.

  I frowned and pulled it back over, then unbraided it. Sadness filled me as I slowly ran the brush through my long hair. The only reason why I had worn it long since I was ten-years-old was because I heard my dad tell my half-sister, also ten at the time, he loved her long hair. I kept it long forever in the hopes of hearing those words directed towards me but never did. It was a moot point as my dad was dead now and I wondered if it was time to cut my hair shorter.

  Heaviness filled me even more and I braided my hair back up as the Terrible Voice spoke.

  You are not allowed to cut your hair. You must wear it long as a reminder that you were such a disappointment to your father.

  I didn’t need the Terrible Voice to remind me how much of a disappointment I was; I easily did that myself.

  Shoving that all aside, I splashed cold water on my face to wake myself up some more. I wanted to go back to sleep but I knew the living room needed picking up, the suitcases unpacked, and the ice cream dishes washed. All this needed to be done in a quiet manner so as not to wake any of the kids. Maybe then, depending on what time I finished, I could catch my own sleep but the question still remained the same – where would I lay my head?

  “Don’t worry about it now,” I whispered to myself and tiptoed through the bedroom but frowned when I realized that if I had been sleeping next to Little Sofie, where was Millie? I had the answer when I walked into the living room. While the boys and Natalya slept in their assigned beds, Millie was sitting at the game table with a thick book in front of her. She had her glasses on and was concentrating so hard on reading and highlighting she didn’t even notice me until I sat down next to her.

  “Homework?” I said in a hushed voice so as not to disturb the sleeping children. Millie was in her first semester at the Art Institute of Philadelphia. She loved photography, just like Jack, and planned to earn a bachelor’s degree. Both Jack and I were so proud of her for her decision to go to college. “But you’re on vacation. Your profs didn’t pile a lot of homework on you for the weekend, did they?”

  “No,” she replied and slipped her reading glasses off. Her eyes looked tired. “I just don’t want to get behind.”

  “That’s admirable, Millie, but you also deserve a break.” Millie’s brown eyes looked past me and they began to shimmer. I reached over and touched her arm. “What’s wrong, hun?”

  “Natalya’s stupid behavior all day…,” she started and rushed to wipe her falling tears. “It just reminded me of how awful I was and even when Crystal gave up on me and demanded Jack send me away, you and Jack stuck by me. I just don’t want to let you two down again by doing awful in college.”

  “Oh, Millie,” I said and rubbed her back as she wept. “You never let us down when you were going through your troubles.”

  “I don’t believe you,” she hiccupped.

  “I know it’s hard for you to accept that Jack and I weren’t let down but I’ve never tried to fool you before, have I?”

  “No,” she admitted. “You’ve always been honest with me. So has Jack.”

  “So why would I start now? We weren’t let down by you nor were we disappointed and now we are nothing but proud of you.” I spoke from the heart. I was so proud of Millie for turning things around, earning her GED, and deciding to go to college. Just like her brothers, she was smart as a whip and I knew it was important for Jack that Millie earned a degree. When she first spoke to Jack and me about college, we were hoping she would choose Princeton – Jack and I were biased – but she wanted to be closer to home. And I had to admit Millie would do much better in an artistic environment than the stuffy Ivy League.

  “You’re proud of me?” she questioned. “Really?”

  “Very! You’ve turned everything around, your attitude and actions and life. You help with the young ones and you don’t let Natalya rile you up as much as you used to. You’ve turned into a thoughtful, caring, and focused young woman starting on the next phase of life.” Millie smiled and brushed away one last
tear from her blushing cheek.

  “Thank you, Penny.” She leaned over and gave me a hug. “You and Jack mean so much to me and if it wasn’t for your love and support, I’m afraid I would have never have stuck with rehab the last time.” The hug ended but Millie wasn’t done with her words. “I don’t remember anything about my mother, Penny, and it hurts sometimes that I wasn’t able to be raised by her like Jack and Danny were.”

  Danny, short for Daniil, was Jack and Millie’s middle brother who was two years younger than Jack and also a member of the Ivy Brothers, the rock and roll band that Jack fronted. Elizaveta Petrova passed away from breast cancer when Millie was just two years old. Tragically, Alexsandr Petrov – Sasha’s namesake – died of a massive heart attack just a year and a half later during Jack’s senior year of high school. The three Petrov siblings had no other family in the United States and Jack became parent and provider to his younger brother and sister at just seventeen.

  “You erase that hurt, Penny. I think of you as my mother and I feel so lucky you and Jack met that day at Princeton. I remember that hot day so clearly and I can’t imagine my family without you. We’re all lucky to have you.” Millie’s words stole my voice and I felt a lump of emotion form in my throat. I’m lucky to have you, too is what I wanted to say but I couldn’t speak. They were my family also. Both my parents were dead and I was never close to my half-sister or stepmother and once my dad died, there was no more communication with them. Jack’s family truly was my only family.

  “Thank you for those kind words, Millie,” I said, finding my voice and looking anywhere but at her eyes and that’s when I noticed the living room. Even in just the small light from the pendant hanging over the table I saw the room was neat and tidy. It no longer looked as if it had been hit by Hurricane Petrov. “Who cleaned up?”

  “We all pitched in. Even Natalya helped without being asked,” explained Millie.